THE DEFECT,

Time for a walk 'n' talk -

I never know how to start, if only i could jump straight into a monologue and for it to sound great i would give a kidney. I have two of them right?! Well its damn cold outside, the snow is swirling with the wind and settling on the tips of noses around britain. I think i shall talk about safety tonight.
You will never be safe with a lonely heart. I think my heart is lonely and that is the reason in which i have been doing some pretty douche bag things. Maybe thats the reason too that i have been randomly falling in and out of weak love. Your never safe with a heart in general, you love too much you get jealous easily you dont love at all you fail. Life is a game and you only have one lifeline and your weapon is your heart and your weakspot is your heart.
I am pretty stupid when it comes to saving myself, im always too late and well i should get used to saveing my self becuase its not as if there is any one around to save me. I see myself as some cool cartoon girl in a comic book, who is badass and doesnt need any one to save her, but i guess shes never alone is she, there is always her sounter partner. And she saves the world, i cant even save myself. Well what good am i?
I just wish i could spend my days just writing on my laptop, drinking hot chocolate and never have to leave my bed but for a pee. But no, i have to live with UCAS applications and think about my future, it sounds mega exciting but theres so much to do im falling behind and my future is quickly spinning out of reach.
Also the problems of guys, what the fuck is wrong with me ??! why cant i find someone who actually likes me and wants me? WHO I LIKE TOO?! im guessing that there must be something wrong because all the guys cant be defects, the defect must be in me.
Anyone have any helpful advice?