how high can i fly. my feet still drag along the ground and im constantly yearning to climb the clouds, reaching for the air. theres something in me that is dead, something that is rotting with time, turning my touch sour, spilling out through my troubled words. i stare into space and sometimes i just, just don't see anything at all. its like i cant start my life rolling again. my once dormant feeling are errupting and theres know one to live it, no one to feel its heat or to watch its beauty.

i have already left this boat. i dived off deck into this turmulous sea. the dark waves engulfing me in a place where i cant see anything even if i wanted to. where i am constantly held.

i am writing this in my living room on the laptop, my parents are sitting in the same room. tears are welling in my eyes and i just want to run.


this hurts so much. its killing my last atoms, cells whatever you say i am made from. i am breaking down, composting, crumbling into the soil beneath me.