Naked. literally.

I'd like to be free
no clothes to bother me
wild in the wind
no one knows i have sinned
leaping and spinning
from tortures unknown
i'm running i'm winning
no longer alone

naked and soaring
fresh green and daring
ill camp in the woods
no if whats or coulds
sleep through one day
then worship the moon
then through night i will lay
then pray to the afternoon


....


one day i will live
with but all i am give
at one with the earth
clothed as at birth
at one with my soul
with my skin and the fire
no unfulfilled hole
no wasted desire.

sigh

Deep breath in. fill those lungs.

Head held high. Back stand straight.

Release the stress. breath out real slow.

Crumple up and sigh.

Memory lane. the good old days.

A song to sing along. floods back.

A photo bad. so bad you cringe.

memories make me sigh.

One more day. two more hours.

To endure. one last exam.

Summer creeps. closer to me.

think sunshine soothing sighs.

Fading away

Second by second the hands move round
minuite by minuite my eyes move down
cant stand the silence in a sea of sound
submit to the chains with which i am bound.

The sun gleams early to rouse my yawns
yet leaves forconflict with the moon
As do the stars give in to dawn
my eyes still blink forlorn

Each day that passes without permission
takes one more a piece of mine
slowly i feel without posession
im giving in to my submission

And with each ray to wake my soul
comes great pain to see me fall
i fade away, was never whole
im broken standing behind this wall.

im living a life

Hello you, a well known fiend,
i welcome your presence
with open arms
embrace your presence
with no alarm
i understand your ways and thoughts
i see each clock
turn and tick
yet take it lieing down
each punch each kick.

i known the future.

as clear as the sun beams.
as predictable as the rising moon and falling stars.
ill walk into that black hole of doom
frozen and shattered to death.

yet each time i await my destiny with open arms
a warm breeze stops the
inevitable, my clogs un-popped.
i live a death. where i cant stand no more.

speech has escaped me.
sounds have clogged my ears.
and the sights i see no longer give pleasure.

i have lived a life for so long in silence
that no i feel is the time to speak up.
LOUDER than before.
someone must hear me ?
are they too wrapped up in their own lives that they dont understand
they dont understand how im feeling at the moment and im
screaming in despair
wont someone ask me in all honesty
if the feelings i am showing is the story of my heart??

should they not uinderstand this by now??

no one.. NOT NO ONE. knows the extent of the pain i am forced to with hold.
like on a phone where the caller wont pick up
i am living a life on hold. God just wont let me go.
let my body seize and my soul float to salvation.

em pleh ,esaelp.
ksa i lla s'ti.
ecaep

Mmmm

sun is shining in my face
i see the world you did create
and belive im here to say
God its a wonderful day [its a wonderful day]

para mi alma gamelo del futuro

querido mi futuro carino
espero que me ames para que soy
y cuando primero te veo
saberia que estas mi alma gamelo.

Estoy escribando a ti
asi cuando le lees mi poema
sabes que estoy sentido
en mi corazon al momento.

despues todo mis problemas
con los chicos en mi vida
mas lento de mis pesadrillas
estarias en mis suenos.

broken- a song i wrote for my self and to help others

ive be low and seen the world from a different light
and now i know how im gonna put things right
i believe i can now be happy
the sun's in my eyes but i will keep on rising

i was broken on the floor
in the dark all on my own
thinking nows the time to go give up
till he came and made me live on up
he said beauty dont let go
there so much for you to love and grow
he said believe, believe in your heart
and i believe
i said i believe

a new begining another path i will take now
another road a different scene i will go down
natures beauty setting all around me
how could i be so blind to all my hope

i was broken on the floor
in the dark all on my own
thinking nows the time to go give up
till he came and made me live on up
he said beauty dont let go
there so much for you to love and grow
he said believe, believe in your heart
and i believe
i said i believe

mend me fix me put my self together
tape m stitch me do levave me like this forever
but now i know its this that makes me stronger
all of these scars criss-crossing my heart
just makes God's piece of art

i was broken on the floor
in the dark all on my own
thinking nows the time to go give up
till he came and made me live on up
he said beauty dont let go
there so much for you to love and grow
he said believe, believe in your heart
and i believe
i said i believe

glass words.

these words that im singing
so brittle and small
glisten in sunshine
but silence to them all
these words i cry out loud are fragile
and smooth to touch
to hear to breath
these words are glass you see
their meaning through it all
here i get up to leave
with my glass words i turn to breathe
im not shy to speak my words
although these words like me inside
they can fall
and they can break
they can hurt
strike three im out of the game.

I've ruined everything i worked so hard to put right.

curiosity killed cas.

imprinted

imprinted
and there it will stay
that picture i see
wont go away
behind my eyes
right to my toes
this feeling spreading as it grows
i scratch and tear
my limps apart
to leave this hell hole
i share with my soul
its left me
my soul no more have i own
when i feel this how can be
how can i see through normal eyes
through eye that dont tint
to the shade of blue
shade of drowning in my own blood
that pumps my eyes when i close my eyes
how can i think of sleep at a time when i
know that your look will haunt me for sure
what can i do to escape
from this body where
imprinted on my eyelids
is a face i know too well
a face i cant stand to leave nor live
all i can give and i can give no more
my body is sore
i just want to fight once more against this memory
fight for ignorance
you. done this to me.

GIRL.

i know a girl and shes crying solo
so low that you cant hear her
she'll be smiling widly that you never know
never go to the thought that she feeling low
shes a girl with a bubbly personality
shes happy for others so they dont see
inside
she hides
away as she cries
this girl i know you dont

they dont see this girl through her paper thin lies
then lies on her back to look up to the moon
soon she'll fly
defy all they thought to be
to see the world through a new pair of eyes
disguised
not memorised
past despised

new girls we're taking over today
you'll pay who broke our hearts and diamonds
clubs and spades we dont need
indeed we use our minds
no weapons of mass destruction
deduction
goodbye the weakness
the sadness
we smile
hand in hand
here we stand
together for unity demand
respect we expect today.

just a spit.

i do it to myself
i let my mind go wander
and when the memories come flooding back
same old lane same old attack
the floor beneath me disappears
im falling slower than my tears
and here im lieing in my bed
alive and breathing inside im dead
i do it to myself
endanger my own health
with every thought i catch my breath
each memorie brings me want of death
here i crouch not knowing what
could hurt more than this lot
to think of him and i before
or him with another me and more

alone and cold and bitter i turn
as the wood in the fire with time does burn
what or who can flip my soul?
can mend my heart ..... and make me whole?

Lost

Lost in the darkness that sweeps up the room
where the cold wraps my body in a misty cocoon
Lost in my thoughts of here now and then
momentry blindness comes creeping again
the seconds are minutes and hours are days
rapidity of time scares me so many ways
Lost as im falling through memories clear
shake them off but cling like a fear
they stick to my skin and wrap round my throat
wait for me to fall wait for me to choke
Lost in my dreams where im no longer happy
entice me with love then they do trap me
once again im falling and gaining
head first to the floor as if i am raining
nothing can stop me or put a halt to this madness
lost in my cocoon of wallowing sadness.

quake

Four months not moved an inch
at every mention i still do flinch
four months i wonder why.

A time i'm mean't to smile
but i'm crying all the while.
four months i wait to die.

And when they question of my mind
wont let them take what they can find.
Four months i sit and sigh.

I quake and wait for the floor to open
let this misery eat me up
escape give up its all the same
Four months im outside in the rain.

What does a look say ?

A rare moment of blissful ignorance

Where my minds shut off and im perfectly content

But all this can change

Turn in an instance

As i look around a natural instinct to sound

To my horror i see another pain to find

Our eyes meet and i cant stop to think

How all time ceases and the second seems longer

The blank look requited

And out eyes are reunited

But what does a look say ?

What does it mean?

Is it simply a look where the blank means nothing?

Or does the look hold a thousand words not needed to be said?

A look so bear that any meaning could be dreamt

A look so bear that i can make up my own happy ending.

wonder why.

I wonder why they cant see.
Why they think im all right again.
Or why i pretend i am.
Why i think its better to bottle it all and suffer in my silence.
Its petty to be here still.
Why im holding on.
Holding on with my last breath on to the hand of my soul.
To battle against the chains.
My feet are swimming in my shoes and im clutching on to a cloud.
I want to escape this un-Godly world.
Enter the unknown where the series of stabs are a distant memory.
And the scars are faint lines of red across my knuckles,

Shred

I want to shred my skin.
But if i tried to leave everything that you ever touched of mine.
I would end up not walking anywhere at all.
If i cant leave myself what hope is there left for me?
But to dance.
So much like no ones looking.
Sweat out your presence.
Keep my mind on the beat.
On the rythm.
The flow that passses through the speakers to my core.
Ill clench my teeth and dance till i forget.
All the trees that give me oxygen wont ever be enough to feed this addiction.
And the need that passes through me is starving my mentality.

Bleed the truth.

From my eyes bleeds the truth of my thoughts these days.

No matter how hard i try to hide these marks it has its ways.

To reveal to the world the waves of thoughts i try to keep secret.

And betrays me in the days of doom to ignorant others.

Thank the Lord that they notice no more the depth of my cut.

They dont discover how the despise for myself,

Grows with each time he floats to my head.

And the stab rips the scars of mine.

saving this moment

I want to run, run past the angry trees and never look back into the world that I saw as a black void of misery.

You held my hand and I wanted to run under the laughing sun and scream at the moon to let me go.

I laughed, and the glimmer in your eyes made me see the kind of things I never want to see.

That music saved me from the line I was about to cross when I began to fall in love with . . .

6th May Tuesday 2008

A poem to represent

- slowly fading away,
as my world falls apart.

- the way it feels when you no longer feel
or see nothing.

- when you fall in love
and no one can make you smile more.

- the only heart that skips a beat
when you see that only person that can make you happy.

- the emptiness within your soul,
that gapes limply.

- how you see the world today,
as a black void of misery.

- that I never want to be that person
who makes me feel like I should never exist.

- the choices I chose to make when you walked
into this perfect world of mine.

- falling into the trap that cupid left
at the bottom of the stairs for me.

- Never wanting to be more distant to the world
than the day you walked into it.

6th May Tuesday 2008