I have nothing to write today. I have nothing in my brain that is screaming at me to type yet i still feel the need to write. Its like a burning under my skin telling me that i have to write something, anything. So now i am at lost for words. Am i angry? And i sad? i have no idea. but i know that im not happy, and to get to the bottom of this mystery i will look at my life. I think its time for some home truths.
The beginning. I want it all. Everything. I want to be a journalist i want to travel, i want to go to university, i want to work on beaches, i want to do charity work. Theres so many things that i want to be that i want to do that im scared that if i pick it wont be the right one.
Me? Im the one who fits in with all categories but doesnt fall into one. Im a floater. Never really understanding where i am meant to be, even my friends are an array of personalities with no links what so ever. I dont know who i am. But i think im beginning to. When i was younger i hated clothes. I detested wearing shoes or socks and would rather wander butt naked. This is a truth about me. Maybe if i delve into my younger self i will find who i am. An overgrown hippie disguised in a suit of armour. My armour has chinks in it and lots of scratches on the inside and out. But i just cant seem to escape. Its glued with self disrespects and self loathing.
The middle. I love everything. I find no common ground with anything. Its as if i can't choose. Which is very true, i am very indecisive. When i come to a crossroads, i am so scared i will make the wrong decision that i just sit there and wait for someone to make the decision for me. Im not wild and free anymore. And i want to be.
The future. I want to be free and wild again. I need to stop worrying, or maybe the answer is to worry. Maybe i dont worry enough. I dont worry about the consequences about not deciding. Im not worried about standing still in the life that i am leading. Ill make decisions instead of leaving my future up to someone else.
Its pretty bizarre to think that i started this post with nothing to say and yet the words just spilled out of my fingers like a cup of coffee. The truths.
-I run because i am searching.
-Music holds the key to my sanity.
-My love is locked in the room on a motel somewhere on route 66.
-I get scared if someone holds me too tight.
-I dont like to be too close to people. Mentally and physically.
No comments:
Post a Comment