Wednesday, 23 December 2009


It's an angry day.

I am angry at the fact that shops open and decide to throw their 'it's a sale' parties on Christmas eve and Boxing day. Enforcing me to work on a family day. It's absurd.
I am angry at the people who go out and shop on Boxing day, a family day, mean't to spend with your children, watching them play with their new toys, spend the day on the sofa eating left overs and watching chrstmas films and specials on tv.
I am angry that i can't do that.

I am angry that my friends seem to find love after love after love. And all i find is disaster after disaster after disaster.
I am angry at myself for not being right for these people.
I am angry at these peopl for not being right for me.

I am angry that i have a festation of spots on my chin.
I am angry that the wrapping paper cost so damn much and didnt even wrap better.

I am angry that i am going to miss Casper on t.v because i am working.

I am angry that i am angry on the eve of Christmas eve.

I am angry.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

Cut the Crap its only Sex.

I think it's time for the Birds and the Bees' talk ...

... and thats when the Stalk flew down and left the Baby on the door-step ...

When a Mummy and a Daddy love each other very much ...

Cut the Crap. It's just Sex.
Ok for children i understand, it's not right for kids to be learning about how their Daddy 'bangs' their Mummy everynight when they go to bed, but why the hell is Sex such a taboo subject?
I don't believe that children should be learning about the ins and outs of sex at the age of 4 its just wrong they can barely grasp the concept of the alphabet! Why would they need to worry about things like that it's trivial knowledge compared to information as important as who's going to be their best friend tomorow! No?! However we are grown-up now..ok well i try to be..and i think its time that we just cut the crap and stop being so prissy. Thats why we are here!
My Grandmother is the prudest old woman in the world, and i actually get kicks from saying rude words around her, childish i know but its funny. Like a year ago my dad was describing a film we saw and there was a sex scene in it, he was fliting about trying to find a way of saying this, so i cut in and said point blank 'because there was a Penis on screen Grandma.' I have never enjoyed seeing my Grandmothers facial expressions more. She was flabbergasted. But what i wasnt to know is..why?! She has three children and i am pretty sure she has had Sex more than three times. Yes you could say she was astouded to hear me say it, but i was 17, and she does no me, i am outspoken she doesnt expect any less from me. Im the outcast, the black sheep, the delinquant of the family.
And so i now move on to the teens of today, Sex is so common that its almost as nomal as someone waving. Trading parteners, having sex with your best mates ex, your ex best mates partner, your best friend. But it still doesn't faze us.
I find it easy to talk about Sex, as a Virgin of the 21st century i see my self as a rarity. Who knows how many there will be of me left. Kids having sex at the age of 11, giving birth at 12 and younger.
Whats your views???
Drop a comments.

Friday, 18 December 2009


I can not do this anymore.
I can not please them all.
The more i try
the more i fail
will this effort ever prevail?

Someone take me by the hand.
Lead me through this cold, dark land.
guide me down
this path so lonely
looking for my one and only.

I'm one of those that doesnt like
to feel trapped or enclosed
and if i do
ill try and fly
to escape no matter if i die.

Thursday, 17 December 2009


Time for a walk 'n' talk -

I never know how to start, if only i could jump straight into a monologue and for it to sound great i would give a kidney. I have two of them right?! Well its damn cold outside, the snow is swirling with the wind and settling on the tips of noses around britain. I think i shall talk about safety tonight.
You will never be safe with a lonely heart. I think my heart is lonely and that is the reason in which i have been doing some pretty douche bag things. Maybe thats the reason too that i have been randomly falling in and out of weak love. Your never safe with a heart in general, you love too much you get jealous easily you dont love at all you fail. Life is a game and you only have one lifeline and your weapon is your heart and your weakspot is your heart.
I am pretty stupid when it comes to saving myself, im always too late and well i should get used to saveing my self becuase its not as if there is any one around to save me. I see myself as some cool cartoon girl in a comic book, who is badass and doesnt need any one to save her, but i guess shes never alone is she, there is always her sounter partner. And she saves the world, i cant even save myself. Well what good am i?
I just wish i could spend my days just writing on my laptop, drinking hot chocolate and never have to leave my bed but for a pee. But no, i have to live with UCAS applications and think about my future, it sounds mega exciting but theres so much to do im falling behind and my future is quickly spinning out of reach.
Also the problems of guys, what the fuck is wrong with me ??! why cant i find someone who actually likes me and wants me? WHO I LIKE TOO?! im guessing that there must be something wrong because all the guys cant be defects, the defect must be in me.
Anyone have any helpful advice?

Monday, 7 December 2009


Clawing my way back into that bubble
nudging my head into the side to slip in
clutching my body close to my chin
falling back into the same old routine.
rising and retreating my breasts to the sky
this breathing is harder for me since that guy
swallowing scratches my throat piece by piece
croaking 'til this wallowing does cease.
choking on my reasons why
retching on my pathetic excuse
addicted to a substance
i cant even abuse
i hate the person that i've become
i hate my new skin it skinks of weakness
gulping down a reason why
i cant be who i was before that guy
tear aways the layers of mellow
keep on going past my muscle
till you reach the window viewing
of my soul, there you will see
a tiny box with a tiny key
a tiny shred i kept of me.

When the anger clock chimes

When the anger clock chimes 12
its too late to dig a hole
too late to crawl and hide myself
to late to shield them all.

When the anger clock chimes 12
the dam is opened out it flows
my hands begin to shake
the chime says its too late

When the anger clock chimes 12
ready to rant and scream in rage
im pissed cant you tell
im an animal released from her cage

When the anger clock chimes 12
i'm going to burst, implode what have you.
when teh anger clock chimes 12
im going to shoot you.