Wallow.

When i sit here on my own.
Take pleasure being all alone.
And wallow in the hum of silence.
And empty out my heart of violence.
I need this time to get a hold.
Where i dont have to do what i am told.
And i can sit here and grow old.
And wait in silence for the cold.

Remember

Dont forget about us.

Dont forget about the times.

Dont forget about the lust.

Dont forget about the smiles.

Dont forget about the cuboard,

where our kisses would be.

Dont forget about the kisses.

Dont forget about me.

Dont forget about the car.

Dont forget about my heat.

Dont forget the sound of my heart,

The clarity of the beat.

Dont forget the hammock.

Dont forget my lips.

Dont forget what you took.

When your hands where on my hips.

I hope you will remember.

With each glimmer of my anger.

You've made me bitter.

And im no quitter.

But it pains me to say.

As i sit here today.

I love you more,

Than my heart is worth.

And you turn from me,

And leave me with my hurt.

Questions unfulfilled.

Could i survive? If another soul took rest beneath your chin?
If another soul replaced my presence i once was in?
Could i still breath? If some other come to fill you?
To take the emptiness and just take it from me.
Its not my place and never was, but it doesnt numb the hurt.
Could i survive? If another soul took rest beneath your chin?

No longer lingered

You froze my heart.
Then let it crack when you left.
Leaving the burn of the sun to shock me once more.
You froze my feelings.
In to a state where i was at one.
And when your presence no longer lingered,
I fell, I fell apart.

The suffering

I feel this pain so vigorace that i feel it squezzing my brain.

The last few droplets of sanity slip past my eyes, down my cheeks.

Pumping my organs till the blood escapes.

Tries to leave me also.

This torture, the time, the weeks.

Through my blood-red eyes do i see the world now.

Demanding my soul and contents.

I cant escape this body.

I cant escape this world.

Alone with unease.

Here my body is, but my mind is elsewhere.
Lost in the dark of my dreams and fate.
Ive lost all hope i wallow in despare.
Twisting and turing and burning in hate.
All alone i cower in silence.
At unease with the people who are mean't to care
but their ignorance turns me to violence.
Inside my soul i fight. Unfair.
No know knows. I think i hide it well.
When i smile i scream and scratch.
I reach for a hand to hold and yell.
And second by minuite my parts detatch.
Alone, apart, try to patch my heart.
But a soul a friend her smile it helps
And numbs a piece of my pain.
A friend Lord, is she that holds
My soul in place to keep my sane.
Thankyou Lord for this friend she saves.
The lonliness and uneasiness.

The Big Plan?

Angel above your guidance is needed.

I'm on my knees look up, blue faded.

The world is failing is falling apart.

Its ripping the seams breaking my heart.

People are fighting and killing the young.

And there is no way for it to be undone.

Can we fix the broken and dam the leak.

Of evil lurking and mocking the weak.

Angel above can you see the problem.

Can you see what has got in them ?

The leaders corrupt and the nation belives.

Freedom fighters are terroists who decieve.

I shall look further seek God on a cloud.

When you look down can you say that your proud?

I know we've free will to use as we can.

But is this really your secret big plan?

God needs her now.

Your close to my heart, right beside her.

Yet this woman this leeche makes my skin crawl.

her voice, her nose, her laugh, her presence.

Every essence makes angry.

But for you. i shall try.

If not before. then now even more.

I know she makes you happy and she keeps your

Loneliness at bay. What can i say.

I want you to be happy.

More now than before.

Your not dead yet. Enjoy while you can.

For Nan. She looks down. she don't frown.

Thats her. In order she kept you.

But last year she left you.

God needs her now. And he will need you too.

But for the moment we all want your content.

Throughout lent. And longer.

Grandad. I love you. Your chuckle makes me giggle.

Grandad I love you. I'm sorry.

I wont worry. She cant fill that heart of yours.

With the poison i once believe she fessed.

There in the centre will Nan fill.

I know now. I see her in your ageing eyes.

I hear her in your cheerful laugh.

Be happy my angel. Be happy my angel on earth.

Forgive me my selfishness.

Forgive me my helplessness.

S.O.S

Stillness. Standstill. Stationary.
The s.o.s of my being
The contents of my heart and soul

A Shell. A Shelter. A Shore.
Where my thoughts cascade down a waterfall of tears
God help me wash away this sadness
Help me see this insanity of this
Pointless Pain.

The strip

You have me
Here i lie
Crying into myself
Alone
Drowning in the memories that are flooding my head
The dreams reoccuring
The hurt envelopes me
The pain strips me of my senses
The eternal cycles i cant break free
Tell me Lord can you save me?

severed fingers in the sinders.

The touch too hot it burns my fingers
sethers the skin on my hands as i try
but like an animal i pursue the sinders
place my hand in the fire to catch a fly.
Trembling hands retreat once more
to tingle against the spring summers air
the red burns blister and glare red sore
but the owners ignorant and doesnt care.
Once more into the fires flame
the hands delve to the heart and core
the eyes wide mad as if it a game
but the hands retreat to cold air once more.

No escape

You cant escape. Black, blue or white.
The ties that Love holds on to you tight.
It bears no preference to age nor gender.
And cuts you when your heart is tender.
For Love the hearts is just a game.
Takes no prisoners cares not for name.
And if you believe your hurts the only.
The truth will eat you till you lonely.
Many pre have suffered breaks.
And walk around with a heart that aches.
Many pre do soldier on.
Give up on the things their heart does long.

grains apon my fingertips

wet feet graze the grains of sand
stick to my soles and the side of my face.
Drop off as i walk alone in this land
the beat of my heart in time with my pace.
my slightly salty skin browned by the sun
reveals itself once more to the world.
the icy wind will bother no one
never shall we have to live in the cold.
a fish or a crab or a whale id be
and live my life as the waves flow.
oh what it would be to live in the sea
deep in the waters where only cool fish go.
but here i lay all alone on the shore
with a pebble and a shell i will ponder.
what makes me sit here and look out in awe
who made the sea in its wonder.
I sieve through the sand as they stick to my fingers
the smell of the sea on skin
ill wonder how long that smell there lingers
and the stories it tells where ive been.

bare

bare feet walking through this land
unbelievable heat but im wading through sand
the sea comes a creeping and licks my soles
layering my flesh to patch up the holes.
wanderer
wonderer





palms to the sky tracing the clouds as they race
mindset calm no bad thoughts cross her face
girl with odd earings and blonde long bed hair
at peace with no fearings and does as she dares.
adventurer
discoverer





blazing bare arms wave round her head in the sun
no need for alarm body and soul act as one
she spins and turns in the blades of green grass
she looks and she learns shes at peace at last.
learner
firmer

welcome to my new life.

im drifting the tide where my eyes wide awake

my brain alive

floating a new vibe

more than just survive

im feeling more alive

in this new life where ill walk with a new ease
laid back
no attack

for what i lack

feeling more laid back.
im stronger in this world with every challenge i fight harder

new shoes

less blues

my donts and dos

in brand new shoes.

taking the hits as they come and they go in out my life

s'all right

no need to hold tight

ready for the fight

s'all good im alright

welcome people to the brand new cas today

see me now

just as loud

equally proud

but damn right stronger than ive ever been before.

catch me

catch me

Im running along with the tide.
i cant slow down and cannot hide.
Dragged and pulled here and there.
see me sinking
i cant keep up
as i start swimming
the sea eats me up
im not strong so i float along
just above water
so i can breath
catch me far out
if you can see me
befriending the seaweed
at the bottom of the sea.

lie to yourself.

deepest corner of my soul
the blackest pit with no control
im holding my heart
cradled and crying
praying whilst dieing
over-reacting
once more

im grinding my teeth to hold out the pain
my neck oh so stiff my stomache just as tight
ill be sick if i loose
my control
to keep me whole
in this hole
i call home

i block all the outsiders
even my own thoughts
and lie there in solace
in peace, broken
fighting with my own thoughts to shut them off
so i cant lie to myself

Pain within the alone

supressed emotions under my skin
pulsing my veins reading my expressions
trapped between me and my shield
my self is trapped within.

i dont worry when im walking alone
i know that if i stayed still my soul could not sufice
and what i do i dont condone
not when my soul isnt worth the price.

My breathing is staggered my chest is tight
the leads that keep this body moving
tangled in webs round the lies and deceit
no more electricity for me to fight.

i know im not worth the grass i sit on
when i look at myself and the things i have done
i deserve pain just as anyone more
im stumbling on and wondering what for?

Nobody knows me at all

Nobody knows me at all
im trapped in a world where the blackness
and solitude is my only hope.
i hate how people try and take my identity
try and control me
try and boss me around
try and take MY life into their hands,
i have my own lkife and i plan to take it into my own hands
not yours
so bug off
and leave me be in the black sea.
You know who you are.
so dont pretend.
i want to walk alone. and you are constantly there beside me.
and it annoys me,
i am a tree i am a shrub
i am a cloud.
i cannot be trapped in a box
or kept on a lead
i am a free spirit
waiting for a chance to leap.
but you YOU and stopping me live
how i want
leave me to float
leave mje to wallow
leave me to smile
leave me
leave me
leave me
leave me
in my corner shouting and screaming to myself
leave me in the darkness of my soul
just

leave me .

Caught Between

Silver thoughts flow from my head

I lay there motionless in bed

Beneath the sheets under my skin

my soul is caught between within

Flaming anger muted strings

Falling through my soul so sings

Grabbing chances as the float

Remembering not to gloat

like a goat

or a stoat

on a moat

as i do float

im rambling now i roll along

but sit here silent is it for long?

Caught between the biting and fighting

of a fish eat fish world.

Forever hold my peace

Slience is caught in my ears
And the words i long for are caught in my throat
The darkness comes creeping
Whilst i am sleeping
Forever hold my peace

Silence is trapped in my hands

My future i search for is floating about

The darkness is sweeping

My blood comes out seeping

Forever hold my peace

Silence is drowing my voice

The need to cry out, satisfy my bout

The darkness i'm keeping

Blind i am leaping

Forever hold my peace

no voice

ive lost my voice
and had no choice
with out it all
these tears will fall
there not for you
or what you did do
they are for me
so later ill see
clearer the moon
and it will come soon
the sweep of relieve
and the loss of the grief
standing taller
feeling smaller
hiding proundly
crying loudly
can you see it?
can you hear it?
can i be it?

17 things i hate about you

I hate the way that you were there
pretended that you actually cared
i hate the way i fell so wuick
then brushed me off with one smooth flick
i hate the more the txts we sent
and the time on my phone obessing i spent
how everymorning there you'd be
flashing on my screen so i could see
and how you played my shinning knight
those sweet dream txts every night
i hate how you know all to well
how deeply in love with you i fell
i hate how right now your making me cry
how stupid i feel when i think its a guy
i hate how i felt all safe in my dreams
your guarding is harder than at first it did seem
i hate how this list could go on till i find
that ever single thought that goes through my mind
in the end i hate most at how its unfair
at how much i say i hate you
in the end i still care.

Human

When i feel i cant walk on
i pace my steps that little bit faster
cos i know that the longer i hold on
the longer ill last
if i put of the innevitable for long enough
it will all pan out
its difficult i know
but i must remind myslelf what
it is to be human
when you cut me i still bleed
im like you really
im strong
but beneath my skin i am weak
i know i can shoot my own stars
but sometims its nice to know that you dont have to
that theres someone beside you waiting to reach out for you

Runaway

This house called home
Four walls a dome
Shelter from rain
Bearer of pain
No longer wanted girl wants out
No one hears her scream and shout
Control units control her life
Silence she could cut with a knife
Do this dont that
YOur thin your fat
No opinions are held by ones own
Not when you live in this house called home
Reasons to run or reach for the gun
This girl can cry wont show her tears
Cant trust her parents cant trust her peers
She feels the need to runaway
Little more work a little less play
On the streets with only a bag
Better than the house with the hag
Runaway girl with tears behind doors
Will hang around pimp become one of their whores
Contemplait
Can you wait?
Get a job before its too late
Grin and bear
The witch in her lair
Runaway girl dont be hasty
Stay where its warm
At least until dawn

cackle, snap, pop

I'm on stand, i'm on trial

my life's weighed all the while

constantly compared

brothers sisters family friends

wont know when this torture ends

red horns she laughs a cackle

snap pop whip goes the chain

slavery queen mother reigns

biological debatable

certainly hateable

with a pop of a pill

sweet smile returns

arrival of an outsider

sting no longer burns

a story of a twister mother

and her turns.