What should life be like?

''Morning Dear, feeling any better today?''

I think i'm coming down with the Flu. And yes if you ask, i am feeling sorry for myself.

But you won't ask.

It seems that no matter what i do in this house, it will never really be a home. I have come back for the Christmas holidays to the house my parents live in and where i slept before University. But it has never really been a home, well not since i had a grab on reality. And my 'Parents' are merely the people that finance me. Investing in my future. So really i should be grateful. Shouldn't i?

I just assumed that with a family comes 'Love'.

i was wrong i guess.

My mother has had a sore back for a while now. She has been to the Doctors and has been taking pain killers. But when guests come some how her voice miraculously has a rusty-ness to it. As if she has a cold. Or flu. There's a 'kum cough hum' randomly in her demeanour. It's all fake. She just wants attention.

Every morning i ask her 'how is your back today? Feeling any better?' Sometimes she doesnt even reply, other times she doesn't even look at me. I'm not seeking for sympathy and don't you dare offer it. Bc i am used to it. This is my life and it has made me strive to have a better one.

I shouldn't hate my mother. I don't think i do. But i really do dislike her....ALOT.

My Father though. What is it like with him? He is THE BIGGEST BROWN NOSER/BUTT LICKER/TEACHERS PET i have ever known!

I was made to go to my Grandparents today. Even though i had just been sent to my room (for making my self a sandwhich and not my mother even though she saw me making one and didnt ask). Even though i am ill. And feeling sorry for myself.

List of symtoms;

                         Headache for over a week. Agonising pain.

                         Belly aches after every meal.

                         Snotty nose.

                         Throat ache.

                          Cough.

                         Ear ache.

But then again they would know this if they even bothered to ask how i am feeling.

So i am dragged to the GrandRents. Where my mother gives me an evil glare and tells me to stop sniffing and use a tissue. ''WELL I AM SORRY THAT I HAVE THE FLU! BUT YOU SEE I DON'T HAVE ANY BOGIES TO BLOW OUT! IT IS A BLOODY REFLEX!''

Instead however i said along the lines ''well i'm sorry! i can't!'' With a edgy tone to it, quite loudly. See they didn't take into account that i am ill. Apparently according to my Mother, if she is ill, I CAN'T BE. For she even called my Brothers Girlfriend this morning to see how she was feeling. Because she has a cold too. :|

Anyway ....so on the way home she bloody has a GO at me!! I was NOT happy. And then my Father decided to join in and be my Mothers hero, her knight in shinning armour....Against her own Daughter.

I know families have troubles, but should i feel like this? Should i really be compelled to detest my Parents?

The Dragon.

YOU'RE A FOOL. YOU DON'T KNOW ME. AND I DON'T LIKE YOU.

So, Mother. Here are a few reasons i don't like you..

- You're a Bully. You pick on Dad, you just won't leave him be. You're constantly having a go at him, be it about the way he eats o the way he dresses.

- You're a Bitch. You constantly bitch about Grandma and Grandad in front of Dad. You never show me any affection unless there are people to take note of it around us.

- You're a hypocrite. You say that i'm a slag/slapper/slut. However i do believe that I have been with Green, MY BOYFRIEND, for almost a year now. Who got married only 6 months of meeting a guy and then got herself pregnant? YOU. Most girls talk to their mothers. You don't even know that i've been on the injection for 6 months. I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to you about that.

- You make my skin crawl. You say i constantly lie. Even when it is proven that i am right. Dad doesn't even stick up for me, even when he knows that i am right and you are wrong. And if he does. You then have a go at HIM!

- You're constantly there to make a show of everything. You 'Apparently' have a sore back. I would show more sympathy maybe if you showed a little sympathy towards me. You're making a show of picking something up. Maybe if you said thankyou once in a while or took note of anything i done instead of pointing out the things that you told me to do. I would help you. If i liked you. But i'm affraid that it's too late.

- You are always there to ruin a good day. You seem to always pop up when i am having a good day and ruin it. The day that Green said that he loved me. You found an excuse to have a massive argument and make me realise that i want to move out as soon as possible. Thats why i went to uni. You know that you made me go. I wanted to take a year out. You wouldn't let me. And even at uni, i have to lie. I can't tell you that i see Green every weekend because you will then guilt me. I get scared when my phone calls. Bc so many times it has been you, makibg sure i am where i said that i am. I never am.

You see, this is only a little list of why i don't like you. You will never read this. And i don't care. I just want to move away from you. Only come back when i have to. Or to see the family that i actually like.

Erotic but hate leaked all over me

Once again the heart-less Dragon's mood swing attacks . . . .


Green came over yesterday. It was soo erotic, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me roughly on the lips. I love those moments when we see each other again. This weekend we spent two nights together. Two blissful nights of good-night kisses and two glorious mornings of good-morning pecks. It feels like a dream. I just want to wake up to his heartbeat every morning.
So Green told me he loved me yesterday. I felt like i was air light sitting tight on a paper airplane soaring through floating pink love-hearts that popped as i glided though them. As a teenage love sick crack head i am destined to exaggerate so yeah....
A million red balloons released into the sky with I Heart Question Mark on them. I have never felt so content just walking. We could have been walking to the noose and i would have still have felt that humming-bird fluttering in my chest as he held my chest, looked into my eyes and swore that he loved me. Again again again say it again. I can never tire of this!

But the world has to come crashing down at some point. Right? . . . .

We returned to reality. Screams behind closed doors. But the sounds they leak, from the windows and doors, every gap it can find it will escape into the nights sky floating in the black back-drop of life. And it reached me. I had to leave Green and my life of happiness to save my Dad the Coward from the Dragon. Boy was she angry. I was this close to leaving last night. If only Green had not talked me out of it i would still be just sitting on my bench under the stars trying to escape this life of hate. Because i do. She gave me life but she has taken it away too.

Translation: Plus a walk and talk extrordianair!

Here for those who don't quite know who i am talking about, a Translation:

the Dragon - My over-bearing mother, whom i do not get along with at all. She seems to have taken the roll of making my life completly miserable. Lucky me :

Suicide Blonde - My alter-ego. The depressive me that surfaces once in a while and makes me seem like a complete wack-job on here, with my 'slit my wrists' blogs.

Green - Also goes by the name of Petey, Bucko, Bruce, and many more. Just another name for Him. The Beau. My perfectly pouncable piece slash chunk of slam dunkin' hunk. My BoyFriend.

An ordinary day in the life of a Tea-Bag:

So, im just sitting there with my chums, right. And we can't see a damn thing 'cos you know we got that lid to keep us fresh and then i see............

The light.

This pink flesh-y thing comes right at us, these long podgy tentacals reach in to our bangin' pad and grabs me and Steve by the leaves and edges. The cheek! so, im thinking right lets see what actually happened to Sally. The prospects wern't good. You see there was this jacuzi. Oh man you should-ah seen it, but then again maybe you shouldn't. Steaming it was! Then i hear Steves Leaves rustle and he's wriggled free somehow, and im flying solo.

Into this jacuzi, which wasn't a jacuzi at all! The bloody fiends! They only went and made it look like a Butlins holiday camp for us! Boiling hot it was! Not only that.. but.....they...oh i can't bear to repeat it. It was just too horrifying.....

The got this shiny thing and drowned me in the hot water then got me right up against the wall they did! All up in ma grill! Then picked me up and droped me in the pile of all the other things they just used.

Thats how i feel.

USED

I don't know where i am. But boy, it's lonely on this heap. Help? Anyone?