almost dreamlike when i fell your tribal drum next to my hummingbird flutter.

Here i am,

in an origami house of paper, dreading the rain but longing for the freshness of the downpour. littering the floor are my tissue roses, the house is getting too crowded for me because im growing rapidly. I can see the pink sky outside marking the evening. The fairy light stars blink at me in a lethargic manner as if enticing me to sleep, but i can't.

There is a balloon in my stomach that feels that its expanding by the moment.

Theres a hummingbird in my chest thats drumming against my rib cage and silence in my head.

No little girl screaming, no little girl dying, just silence, making room for the Indian drum pattern made by the birds in my heart. My feet are green, a fresh garden green with little red flowers weaving up around my ankles, when i walk there is a swoosh. My legs are bare and my pelvis also. Hanging around my neck in a relaxed manner is necklace of flowers, meeting with my hair and reaching my crown with a halo of daisies. My blonde hair cascades in loose waves making my body the perfect house for a family of fairies to live. Dancing in the wallow of the moon under the fuchsia marshmellow sky's natural light bulbs. Leaping into the air with a weightless bounce i fall into the light brown arms of a man who has changed me. For the better i am now walking with open eyes, now they are open i see him and who i am when i am with him not only has evolved but who i am because of him. I am but the same, but i can now see the attributes. And when we are as close as lipstick, when our breath is one, and

i want you beside me

i feel the tribal bass next to my hummingbird's flutter, i see this fuchsia sky and remember who i am. Who i want to be. Who i can be.

Progress?....

HAPPINESS .... is creeping into my bloodstream.

A new sun has walked into my life.....

-warmer to my touch

-bright to keep the shadows at bay

-makes me smile when its dark and gloomy

-tigglish

-tall and broard like a tree to protect me when i let it

My SUN.

Make me happy.

Someone make me happy.

Make me happy once more.

Hold my hand to tell me

im the one your looking for.

Someone make me happy.

Tell me things that make me smile.

Make me feel im needed.

and hold me for a while.

Someone make me happy.

Take the tears that fall away.

Be there even when im angry

Please bide it with me stay.

Someone make me happy.

im sorry for my reds.

ill show what i can be.

dont listen to what ive said.

Someone make me happy

take the nightmares from my dreams.

Hug me when im sad and blue.

Tell me its not what it seems.

Someone make me happy.

When my anger takes a stand.

Tell me when im being wrong

to help me understand.

Someone make me happy.

So that i can make you too.

Give me a chance to be somebody.

show you what i can do.

of the day

hello. welcome to my blog of the day. 17.06.09. 16.45.

thought of the day. ''why cant i grant my conciousness peace.''

colour of the day. grey. a grey cloudy day for the pathetic falousy of my mood.

number of the day. 3. number of times i have wanted to gouge my eyes and memory out.

song of the day. ''full moon'' the blach ghosts.

i hate this enternal system, where i cant escape myself of these stupid thoughts. stupid girl. i can sit in a room, like a tin of sardines, brimming with people, and yet i will sit there, looking straight ahead, thoughts spinning this way and that. I like not being noticed, and i hate it when people ask if your ok. ofcorse im not ok! would a normal person truly trusting in themselves with nothing to worry about sit ice cold in a room of friends? no. that is your answer. but i know you will never leave me if i give you the real answer will you? so i lie. its only a white lie. it wont ever affect YOUR life. its like acid on my skin, burning away all the fences i ever put up, those eyes that look apon me. and when you ask whats wrong. how can i tell you when there is no end to that question. just an eternal system of wrong doings in my life. so next time you see me ask me only this.... .

Blameing myslef seems to be the only answer to the question of my life.

By casper. the original.

confusion

have you ever thought that your happiness could pop
that if you got too happy God would snatch it back
sqeeze it till it burstcrack it like an iceberg
and if i stop try to please them all at once
maybe my happiness would shine on selfishly
desicions i can not make promises i can not break
Looking for guidence on a petit filous pot
for wisdom the back of crisp packet
they dont know i seek for more im the seeker of the law
What is right to do in places where silence is required
but all your conscience tells you to do is scream to break the ice
the little man that sits on my shoulder in red he tells me the selfish
and the little in white sits on the other and directs me to whats right
signs and directions i can not followbe it a rabbit with a clock or a umpa hobbit fellow
im alice in a world where i dont know what to do where i dont know where to go what door to open what window to climb out of
whom can i trust
when my heart is full of lust.

Naked. literally.

I'd like to be free
no clothes to bother me
wild in the wind
no one knows i have sinned
leaping and spinning
from tortures unknown
i'm running i'm winning
no longer alone

naked and soaring
fresh green and daring
ill camp in the woods
no if whats or coulds
sleep through one day
then worship the moon
then through night i will lay
then pray to the afternoon


....


one day i will live
with but all i am give
at one with the earth
clothed as at birth
at one with my soul
with my skin and the fire
no unfulfilled hole
no wasted desire.

grains apon my fingertips

wet feet graze the grains of sand
stick to my soles and the side of my face.
Drop off as i walk alone in this land
the beat of my heart in time with my pace.
my slightly salty skin browned by the sun
reveals itself once more to the world.
the icy wind will bother no one
never shall we have to live in the cold.
a fish or a crab or a whale id be
and live my life as the waves flow.
oh what it would be to live in the sea
deep in the waters where only cool fish go.
but here i lay all alone on the shore
with a pebble and a shell i will ponder.
what makes me sit here and look out in awe
who made the sea in its wonder.
I sieve through the sand as they stick to my fingers
the smell of the sea on skin
ill wonder how long that smell there lingers
and the stories it tells where ive been.

bare

bare feet walking through this land
unbelievable heat but im wading through sand
the sea comes a creeping and licks my soles
layering my flesh to patch up the holes.
wanderer
wonderer





palms to the sky tracing the clouds as they race
mindset calm no bad thoughts cross her face
girl with odd earings and blonde long bed hair
at peace with no fearings and does as she dares.
adventurer
discoverer





blazing bare arms wave round her head in the sun
no need for alarm body and soul act as one
she spins and turns in the blades of green grass
she looks and she learns shes at peace at last.
learner
firmer

welcome to my new life.

im drifting the tide where my eyes wide awake

my brain alive

floating a new vibe

more than just survive

im feeling more alive

in this new life where ill walk with a new ease
laid back
no attack

for what i lack

feeling more laid back.
im stronger in this world with every challenge i fight harder

new shoes

less blues

my donts and dos

in brand new shoes.

taking the hits as they come and they go in out my life

s'all right

no need to hold tight

ready for the fight

s'all good im alright

welcome people to the brand new cas today

see me now

just as loud

equally proud

but damn right stronger than ive ever been before.

Invigorating

This sadness that controled my mind

is slowly melting like the snow

and warming is my once cold heart

showing me all i want to know

This feeling thats erupting

started interupting

all at once im shaking

and past feelings all are breaking

its clearer now i see the light

the angers gone dont want to fight

the taste is sweet

the sounds are clear

im in the moment

i have no fear

the tingles bubble beneath my skin

the magic flints from deep within

and all at once i start vibrating

and love this feeling

invigorating.