Arrows, Spears, and Darts

Aiming for an ending, Wanting it so bad

ill be walking for years

without my sight.

but i can feel his presence in my thoughts

with every footprint i leave behind

with every Arrow cast through this cold mind of mine

every whisper i ever saved for his ears

are caught in my throat

they are choking me up as they pierce through my soul

like a tribel Spear

With every reminder i once trained my mind to bear flash back

and sting me once more

as it flings those oh so blessed memories

they haunt my closed eyes

and mind to stab the bulls eye of my body

in the centre of my eaten away heart

with the prick of a dart.

innocense.

Peanuts.
Brazil nuts.
chocolate covered brazil nuts.
brocoli.
cabbage.
coliflower and parsly.

i am a lamb forging a check.
i am a piglet robing a bank.

innocence captured and put in a jar.
glowering.
calling for release.

ISSUES.

charging across the cloud busy sky
waiting in line
late, got the time?
i'm standing on a hill
with a clicker in my hand
taking pictures in the sand
the traffic cones are lining up
in turn with lights
and the cars drive past these sights
no one sees
they drive to fast
and important issues
we drive on past
the chairs we're seated
waiting oblivious
to disasters untold
LISTEN open your ears
SEE open your eyes
FEEL open your heart
UNDERSTAND open your mind.
are you listening to the cries of the unheard?
do you pay attention to the screaming calls?
ignoration
simplification
underestimation.

returned

can't explain
with loss of breath
knocked from my lungs
pain
it hurts
help

and over and over again
i bring my knees to my chest
when will this beating end
so the pain will stop


it seems once again
i set myself up for this
when will i learn
when will i see
that ill just have to wait till when
not longer do i yearn
for his love returned

and then i can let go

Take me away !

with the sun rising slowly
im still seeing the leaves
floating by my window
despite the windless air

i open my window, take a step
and a cloud floats by my feet
and i think im floating
the fall lasts forever

the winds not there to take me away.

when it comes to you :

its as if im bound to you

with thread thats brittle but just as strong

and no matter what has happened

no matter what youve said

what you havent done

its as if when it comes to you

all wrongs come undone

i want to believe all you need is time

to believe you still want my tender lips upon yours

still want me to take your hand in mine

for all time

when it comes to you

all i stand for

belive in

doesnt matter

when it comes to you

i still surrender.

thats me!

sleeping on a bed of lies
relying on things that i despise
my morals slipping through the cracks
i cant see clear through my attacks
my self estime etched into ice
thats quickly melting will i sufice
these issues that im dealing with
please something has just gota give
slowly but surely im gaining power
day by day soon i will flower
in to the girl im meant to be
when i can say 'hell yeah, thats me!'

By Line - ...Nicola Joy Brown - !

Am I like a sheep being led astray?
Needing a Sheppard to guide my way,
Feeling this burden upon my shoulder,
Losing faith as my heart grows colder,
I can not find land in this sea of confusion,
Has it all been a lie have I lived a delusion,
Drowning in waves of solitude,
Being tossed around by this on going feud,
Feeling forgotton, lost and forsaken,
Have mercy Lord if I am mistaken,

This poem was written by a friend of mine, Nic. I loved this poem so much that i asked her if i could publish it on my blog, so here it is. i hope you love it as much as i do. This is definatly a poem that i would have loved to have written ! - CAS

Like a ribbon in the wind
inspiration flows from my finger tips.
and i type.

shivers radiate through my body
as the wind shoves me side to side
i gaze at the stars take in the beauty
and watch as the moon and clouds coinside
and when that big round orange moon
awakens me from a chilled out mood
the rays awaken my destructive side
and cant help give in what i cant abide
the sounds pulsing my ears now silent
and the colours i yearn for black
transformed in to my tirant
long for the moon to turn back

Ode to A Friend [or two] :

when it comes to heart, the cracks and scratches
there's plasters and cellotape in clumsy places
a hand to hold when the wind is strong
an embrace to hide in when the rain does fall
they stand united, strong and bold with and for you
but there's snide's when times are tom or angry
deep in the bottom of your stomach you know
if reality is real in their souls then together they shall stand
when summoned again.
there really isn't a replacement for them
they are the black knights in golden robes with snow white wings
a ghost by your side forever more
I yes I shall strive to be
an equal companion that they've been to me
there's love for a fish and love for a man
but none like the love that i pass through my hand
into yours when you need me there.

Reality :

The real meanings of a kiss :



On the cheek : Your a nice girl.

On the nose :Your sweet.

On the forehead : Your too innocent.

On the hand : This can't go on.

On the neck : I can't believe that you belive me.

Above the breasts : I'm testing to see how easy you are.

On the lips : I'm in there.



Wayfaring Hands :



I was alone, didn't understand,
What the reality of a kiss mean't.
I wasn't told, so i didn't know,
and now i regret where i went.



It's clear to me, as clear as glass,
That a drive and a kiss in a car,
Is not as romantic as i had first thought,
Even though we didnt get very far.



What a prick am i, to think that a guy,
Could be as perfect as he.
To think that he wanted my mind and smile,
Instead, it was my body.


Wayfaring hands a wondering round,
My body exploring the faults.
And now i feel dirty cos he didn't want me
And regret that i didnt hault.



To you your imperfections are faults. But to your soul mate they are what make you beautiful.
It seems that i found a guy. And he isn't my Cabbage. Or my Coliflower.

the realisation of my desperation sickens me

oh how the hope soon leaks out and the truth seeps in

the harsh slap of cold blood rises to the surface

how it takes a thousand tears or more

to be shed

to be bled

how it takes weeks to eventually accept it

the anger oh the anger is still boiling through my soul

how long it will boil i dont know

oh the hurt of stupidity curses through my veins

and now i want to scream and shout

to claw my eyes

so i'll never see your face again.

to detatch my nose

so ill never smell reminders of you.

cut these lips

shed this skin

so no remaints of where you touched me

will be left upon my bleeding soul

how long does it take for the imprints you left apon my scar

scratched heart to fade?

can i wait for the shell i so boldly left for you to come back to me?

M.F.C

Where did it go? All that passion and fire.
Sense of emergency. Pent up desire.
Teenage secrecy without the disguise.
Who would have thought i'd swallow your lies.

What did i do? To make you go cold.
To force you cut me. I wasn't told.
I just assumed as we once were,
good friends we would stay, if i wasn't her.

You could have told me, that it wasn't right
given a sign, i'd have been alright.
But as it were, you did none,
And left me waiting, it wasn't fun.

All i've left to say, and i'll be blunt,
is that i think your a ....................................................
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...........................................................................................MOTHER FUCKING CUNT.

thankyou, for introducing me to teenage anxt, and the sorrows of heartbreaking fools.

Girl

Her skin was pale, almost anemic

but her lips where red as blood.

her hair was fair and eyes atomic

alluring you in with falsehood.

universe-all

to these dreams that seem absurd
i curse the wall that bars me in
i wait upon the hill so green
to set my soul and spirit free.

To heavens up high i look in doubt
but inside i hope for that chorus of ahs
and when i am set free to fly
will only then i shall see me die

to swim with birds would be a sound
on which i open my eyes to breath
on callous occasions will there be tears
but my mind in the sky with bears

and to you who look with doubtful eyes
or dubious, or anger
i'll look straight back with breath in my head
shoulders high and fly.

Restless, rabbiting through my thoughts
jibbering jabbering at tiny things
the kind of things that set you back
that hold you from reaching out

i'll not stay for one small print
ill see that by line in black ink
and cries of pain shall see me through
to keep on writing poems ode to you.

1 oh 3

sitting here, on the beach
on the peer
i am looking out, at the sea
wanna shout
but my head, swimming round
floating dead
i cant speak, this is me
at the peak

of my lies
1 oh 3 celcius degree
burns on my soul
of my lies
to my myself
touch the fire
bring my hand back black
1 oh 3 celcious degrees

By line

To my heart ,
You my friend, are a pain in the ass. But there is not another pain in the ass in the world that i would chosefor other than you. But when i say chosei mean from the bottom of my heart, chose. For you to love me back would be a great adventure. For this everlasting circle of unrequited love to be cast away with the debris and bracken of past failures. I would throw all my heart and soul into you. All my hopes and my dreams would i trust in your hands. for you to do as you please.

That is what you call a foolish dream of love and affection.

with every glimmer in sunlight in my eye follows a tear.
with every beat follows a jump.
goodnight sweetheart
goodnight

LOVE

xx

By line. . .

Dearly Beloved

Dearly beloved i pray with my heart
that the one thing i wish for
is for us not to part
when the moon shines on dimly
your smile lights the grey
and the plasters holding this heart
together
bursts
inflames
in flames

Dearly beloved when you lament your sweet words
thou voice hits my heart strings
the first second third
on each of these staves where you mark out your love
i find it hard not to think your unreal
when you've taken my soul yet i can still deal
with it
with out it
you have it

Dearly beloved i am truly yours
for as long as you want me
i'll wait open doors
you are the book that i crave to read
as if blind and in brail
cover to blurb with speed
indeed
with deed

Dearly beloved
i'll wait.
i'll give you time.
becasue i can see in your eyes
and you see it in mine
this deep-set
heart felt
for all of our time.

Dearly Beloved..........

i'm not biased, i'm in love

Lay back and watch the meteor
flash a-cross the moonlit sky-line baby
your here with me
your here with me

your the best
your the creme of the crop
your the pitamy of my soul
you make icecream look too hot
but summer seems too cold
when i'm with you
its the best
i'm not biased, i'm in love

speed up, and drive
so the scenery is blurred in too green splodges
i can hear you breathing
your here with me

your the best
your the creme of the crop
your the pitamy of my soul
you make icecream look too hot
but summer seems too cold
when i'm with you
its the best
i'm not biased, im in love

slow down and take it in
as we pass through the stages of lovin'
i'll be here
i'll be there
where you are

your the best
your the creme of the crop
your the pitamy of my soul
you make icecream look too hot
but summer seems too cold
when i'm with you
its the best
i'm not biased, i'm in love

torturous game of love

As these burning tears of pain
roll down my cheeks hide in the rain

the sting that follows as i close
my eyes to shield my heart it grows

the constant flowing never ceases
the hole of pain it never eases

My hands are shaking with my fury
hold me back please mother mary

i choke i shake i let them roll
it hurts to see them as a whole

not one drop tips on my nose
continued tears forever flows

And when i look on through my phone
i see your name and feel alone

and when that feeling creeps up again
i cant help the stream caused by men

well not men just one in question
holds my heart my soul posession

and now the tri where it can fit
is gapeing like a bottemless pit

it hurts to breath
it hurts to cry
but when i breath
cant help but cry
and so this vicious merry go round of pain
wont let me of this torturous game.

Rain in my heart...

with the rain in my heart
i feel cold to your touch
the clouds in my head
dont cloud very much . . .
im numb to the outside
but for you i am warm
the thunder it rolls
separation im torn . . .
with the rain in my heart
i swear to be true
my life in existance
not the same without you . . .
theres a whole that will gape
till you return to my side
and forever will it stay
no matter how much i cried . . .
with the rain in my heart
i wont say goodbye
your soul i will hold
till the day i will die.

insecure feelings of girl who must know what he thinks.

Tell me the truth,
am i living a lie?
Am i walking the earth under false pretenses?

Is this mind of mine deluded?
Is it covered with a smoke screen?
cos if i dont find out too soon
i do belive ill scream.

Am i more than a friend
more than a friend with benefits?
Do i stand somewhere in your heart?
Or am i just on your mind?

i want to be the silouete
the silouete cast in your eyes,

i want to be the hand you reach for
in the darkest of your times

but i must know
must know soon
if i am the one too be

to be the one that your dreams call out
to wake you from the mares

tell me now,
or i'll pay the price
with my sanity
with my pride
with my heart

save

save those tears
till the darkness comes
save your heart until the blackness caves in a takes you away

save your tears
keep your eyes closed till it washes away
save your heart the pain that he caused right away

i used to be so confident in myself
i used that girl who walked with her head held high
i used be the one who talked out loud
who stood well proud
i used to be used to be

save those tears
till the darkness comes
save your heart until the blackness caves in and takes you away

save you tears
keep your eyes closed till it washes away
save your heart the pain that he caused right away

i'm the girl that shys from the light
i am the girl who shut her eyes closed tight
i'm the girl who will hurt behind her hair from the wind that rocks the cradle
and lets go with pain

save those tears
till the darkness comes
save your heart until the blackness caves in and takes you away

save you tears
keep your eyes closed till it washes away
save your heart the pain that he caused right away

i'll be that girl again walking proud
singing out loud
i will be that girl who will smile for the hell of it oh
there is time for the changes to begin again
there time for my heart to unwind

save those tears
till the darkness comes
save your heart until the blackness caves in and takes you away

save you tears
keep your eyes closed till it washes them away
save your heart the pain that he caused right away

skies of orange

Rows of Blue, so simple, so straight,
so ordered but it confuses me,
how can something be so ordained?

with all my strength within i look,
i dare look at thee with the pain in my eyes.

Seconds ticking away the time of my life passes
quicker when your presence is graced with me

i check my look and creep my last
glance towards your beautiful eyes,
can you feel the burn?

Your eyes so brown, like a depth i could
loose myself in, your grasp like an iron hold
yet so free, so safe to me.

cifer through this sad excuse of a heart of mine,
take all you see of worth and leave
with the last traces of faith
crippled with pain, doubled over you

i used to be so sain when i used my head
but now im parted, my head is full of you

when the summers gone and you the autumn
the season of orange
skies of leaves
i try i try and end up hating possibilities

everytime i try i loose
when will i learn that the notches marked along my arm
determin the futur that can never be

testing the water
tasting the freedom on the tip of my tongue

can they all see im wasting my time
hurting on you
hurting myself

will i ever see that the more i try the more i hurt and the more steps you take away from me

i wish you could see
see the skies of leaves i see when i close my eyes
so you too can see the pain behind these eyes
see the pain you create when you look at me
when you touch me
when you light the candle and burn my fingers
when you let me in
when you tell me you are there
when you wrap your arms around me
when you look at me
when you say my name
when you take my hand

why dont you feel that everytime
the height grows
and the fall is further
when the silence of your presence creeps in to the night
and swallows me
whole.
broken.

Looking

See that mat outside of your door
theres a picture on it
its a picture of me
oh you come into my life
walk all over me
take all i have then leave
ill buy a brand new handbag
co' ive been feeling down
not likin the way that you've
you've been messin me around

i'll be looking for a dollar
looking for a dime
im not any old american
ive got good old british pride
ill be looking downs the streets
searching in all the people i meet
im a lost cause
becasue of you
helpless
for the things you do
today
and tomorow
the sad
and the sorow

summer love
that summer pash
oh we could hope that it would last
bum notes and hippie clothes
wide rim sunnies and crusing open roads
oh the dreams i had
are long away
further than they've ever been but
closer than today

i'll be looking for a dollar
looking for a dime
im not any old american
ive got good old british pride
ill be looking downs the streets
searching in all the people i meet
im a lost cause
becasue of you
helpless
for the things you do
today
and tomorow
the sad
and the sorow

london streets
you can easy hide
behind those glasses
when your on a bum ride
you can float
yet your on a low
disguised within the morals
on the governments dough
im that girl with a crooked smile
the girl you dont notice for a while
till her big hat and her ugly dress
catches you eye and you think shes a mess

i'll be looking for a dollar
looking for a dime
im not any old american
ive got good old british pride
ill be looking downs the streets
searching in all the people i meet
im a lost cause
becasue of you
helpless
for the things you do
today
and tomorow
the sad
and the sorow