Its time

Its time for a letter to nobody.

Dear Nobody,

I have decided to send you a letter because i know that you alone will pass no judgement

upon what i am about to reveal.

At the moment i feel my soul is empty, clinging onto nothing inperticular.

I have been reading a lot, glueing myself to characters and hoping i will fall into their lives.

Hoping that if i wished it enough they would let me fall between the pages

and become one of them.

I has not happened yet needless to say.

I feel that i need to show myself what i have to make myself believe it.

Countless photos of the dearest beside my bed.

Inanimate objects that remind me of far away happy times.

Blissful moments where i momentarily forget myself.

Constantly wondering whether i will ever see the shadow of my past wholesome self.

See i knew that you would understand.

You feel it too dont you nobody?

The hatred that spoils in your blood when you hear of the unfairness that leaks in the world

Reaking of bad salesmen, cheating governments and no-good adults.

Constantly making mistakes.

Constantly covering them up with a perfum with a bad smell.

But we know!

Tell me, write back, what do you feel?

what makes your blood boil?

peace forever more.

casper - the original

x

in a letter you will never read.

To whom it may concern,

Ive tried. Well i think ive tried, my very hardest. I thought i did it. I thought i had finally pushed that stop button, that off button that controls my emotions. As it seems however i did not. As you walked back into that room, the auto play bottom resumed from paused and worked its way through my ears to my brain and then finally to my heart.

Ive tried to think of all those little things that bug me about you. it just so happens that i cant hate them anymore because they make you and your not you without those little things. And the circle continues. Beating me down, until im crippled on the floor begging for release but still wanting more. I have no idea whether you know what you are doing, or whether you mean to or not, and it hurts to see that you cant see im hurting.

Underneath this tear stained mask, under the miles of fake smiles, my soul is trying to claw itself out, reaching out, for you. Reaching to grab you by the neck, but not for the reason my head wants to do but my heart, it wants to take my hands and cup your beautiful face. Because thats where my soul believes they should fit. It cant understand the logic or the sense it only understands passion and emotion, however unlike the head doesnt interpret embarrassment and hurt and pain and suffering and torture.

I gave up. I gave up to easily without a fight and now im angry more at myself. I thought if we are meant to be then we will be.

And so know i end this letter of resignation. To say goodbye. I may or may not ever see you again. It hurts to think this, i believe the worst pain to feel is to have to say goodbye to someone you love, but i think i have changed my mind, its far worse not being able to say goodbye. So here i say it in a letter that you will never read.

Goodbye. I love, still, through everything. The parting made my heart grow fonder but the scars still weak. And people will say they understand but they dont. Each situation is different some way.

I will love you always, with my heart and soul. With every part of my being and body, your presence will haunt, but i will treasure it.

cas

xoxo

I know you may never read this.

but i need to say it anyway.

i love you.

i need you on earth but if your needed elsewhere, go.

she may be waiting to hold your hand again.

to smile at you and ask you what took you so long?

to kiss you and still feel her cheeks go red and the flutter in her stomach.

go.

we all love you. we do. we give you all

you need. our Angels too. xoxo

Dear readers,

i'm sorry.i'm trying to be more possitive.

but that same old darkness wraps me in its arms.

and those arms are the most comforting i've known.

i hate the feeling of being trapped.

i hate when someone pulls me close and tries to make me feel better

through an embrace.i know of no-one who could make me feel the oposite.

i can.i lie.he can hold me and i want to stay there forever.he doesnt know this.

he doesnt know this.

but i'm losing him.

God is sweeping him in the northern winds.

forever.

to get that chance to tell him how much he means,

would that not seem morbid?

i want so much to emit the hope i need to have,

but once again this darkness craddles me once more.craving my fear.

lovefaithhope

casper - the friendly ghost of your imagination.

xoxo

By line

To my heart ,
You my friend, are a pain in the ass. But there is not another pain in the ass in the world that i would chosefor other than you. But when i say chosei mean from the bottom of my heart, chose. For you to love me back would be a great adventure. For this everlasting circle of unrequited love to be cast away with the debris and bracken of past failures. I would throw all my heart and soul into you. All my hopes and my dreams would i trust in your hands. for you to do as you please.

That is what you call a foolish dream of love and affection.

with every glimmer in sunlight in my eye follows a tear.
with every beat follows a jump.
goodnight sweetheart
goodnight

LOVE

xx

By line. . .

Dearly Beloved

Dearly beloved i pray with my heart
that the one thing i wish for
is for us not to part
when the moon shines on dimly
your smile lights the grey
and the plasters holding this heart
together
bursts
inflames
in flames

Dearly beloved when you lament your sweet words
thou voice hits my heart strings
the first second third
on each of these staves where you mark out your love
i find it hard not to think your unreal
when you've taken my soul yet i can still deal
with it
with out it
you have it

Dearly beloved i am truly yours
for as long as you want me
i'll wait open doors
you are the book that i crave to read
as if blind and in brail
cover to blurb with speed
indeed
with deed

Dearly beloved
i'll wait.
i'll give you time.
becasue i can see in your eyes
and you see it in mine
this deep-set
heart felt
for all of our time.

Dearly Beloved..........