Friday, 24 December 2010


It's christmas eve. And im twisted in this mood. I'm so close to crying. Even someone talking to me i get angry. And if someone asks me whats wrong once more im going to scream. I am so annoyed! I keep starting arguments. Even with the man i love Green! I have made him angry with me. And now i just want to cry again. Why am i being so moody? It's as if i am on girl time again. Riding the red wave. But i'm not. I'm just curling myself into this web of shakes and growls.
Nothing recently has been going well recently. I have been really disapointed in all my work. Nothing i do is creative at the moment. I have so many ideas that  i want to carry out but i just keep ruining everything.
It's as if i am a weed in the garden and as the snow keeps falling im drowning in this blanket of white christmas joy. The clouds are trapping the Sun from melting my anger. I just need to bury myself in the garden, let the soil cleanse my clogged up mind. My breath is ice. My thoughts are trash. My body is wilting. My dreams are crazy and wild and tall. .................. But now all i want is to start my mind again. Let is refresh. Let all my anger out. Bleed the annoyance. Be happy and smiling again. But then again its just bc i am away from GREEN.

That is the key to my lack of creativity. My lack of Green :( I am having major withdrawal symptoms. Im just so pissed. OFF! Am now my brother has just mentioned again that i havent seen him. I am just getting really pissed off right now.

Will the world just leave me alone?

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